Five Thing Essay: Sluggishness
Somewhere between disinterest and overconcern, lies the peace of mind that comes with resting in the assurance that HaShem is sovereign over the events in the lives of my loved ones, and will bring them to a correct realization of the truth in due time. Yet, what will be my role in their conversion of heart? The question remains elusive. So, I will focus on my own derech.
Remove the orlah (obstacles) between yourself and HaShem. How may this be done in an effective manner? This involves teshuvah (repentance) – a return to G-d; however, it may not be as simple as applying oneself to the observance of the mitzvot within the framework of yiddishkeit. The orlah itself may be preventing this from being brought into actuality. Therefore, it may be necessary to work on oneself, in order to improve upon the detriments of the soul, transforming them into a mindset that is open to “receiving the Torah everyday.”
For myself, this includes dealing with a sluggishness at times, that may have its roots in concerns that negatively impact my emotions. And, so, I understand through my experience, the need to resolve emotional issues, in order to find a place of equanimity, from wherein to approach G-d in prayer, and ultimately rely on Him, despite not being able to rely on others within my familial and social milieu. Only G-d can provide the needs that we seek at the depth of our being.
Then, there is the recurring theme of the “pain of the generations,” as per my awareness of my ancestral past, and the shadows of my lineage. Not even my family is bothered the past. They are too busy living their lives in the present, irrespective of the value of heritage. What a tragic loss.
Within the midst of the chaotic unravelling of my life at times, sometimes, I feel “inflated.” At other times, I feel “deflated.” Perhaps, this is a pattern that needs to be examined further. I am too easily affected by my surroundings, conditions and circumstances. What will prevail upon me one day is gone the next. Perhaps, this is because I am irresolute about my own commitments. So, again and again, I reach out to HaShem to have mercy on me.
The Tree of Life 