personal – The Tree of Life

Help for My Loved One:

thechesedfund.com/tzvifievel/family-caregiver-fund

I have been a family caregiver for my mother for over a year now. Currently, I live with her as her caregiver 24/7 at The Club Assisted Living Facility in Boynton Beach, FL. I would like to provide a private aide for my mother, so that she can have some quality care, inasmuch that the facility does not offer care beyond basic tasks. Rather, my mother needs constant attention, that I have been giving without respite. Since I am with my mother throughout the day, and I also spend overnights here seven days a week, hiring a professional aide would also relieve the burden upon me. My mother is wheelchair bound. She has CHF (congestive heart failure), vascular dementia and polyosteoarthritis. My mother fractured her hip in February 2025, wherein she was in Rehab for six months before transitioning to assisted living. Many residents, especially the wheelchair bound have private aides here; my mother deserves the same.

Wake Up Calls

“You that make mention of the L-RD, be not silent.” – Isaiah 62:6

Twenty years ago, my views shifted, fellow environmental minded people, human rights activists, who were all for saving the earth, turned out to be anti-Israel activists as well. Thus, the dividing line was drawn, right around the time I was seeking to learn more about my Judaism as well.

These Leftists were steeped in the theories of colonialism and anti-imperialism. Yes, this was twenty years ago. They read the works of the leading authorities on these political positions; although, I will not name the authors, lest I give them any publicity. May their works be exposed for what they are – ideas that foment revolution.

Ten years ago, I was called to task, when an extreme Leftist anti-Israel OpEd was written in a local university paper. Since I was attending that university, I felt obligated to write a letter-to-the editor. My writing, critiquing the claim of genocide by Israel on the Palestinians, was printed; and, I was asked to join the OpEd department for the university newspaper. I wrote OpEds for three semesters, often in support of Israel and a godly perspective on the world.

In the summer of 2020, on a particular Friday afternoon, I began to prepare for Shabbat. The next night, motzei Shabbos, when I went online for the first time since 2 p.m. the previous day, I learned that the national guard was called out in over a dozen cities, as flames engulfed neighborhoods.

This led to my research on Wokism, the social justice movement and identity-Marxism. I wrote, based upon my findings, to bring awareness to others about these pernicious efforts of the Left to undermine society. The pro-Palestinian cause is one of the many causes that are supported by that movement.

On October seventh, at the synagogue that I attend, I heard the first reports of the tragedies that ensued that day. It was around 10 a.m., while I happened to be standing outside the entrance getting some air. As the day progressed, it was clear that this would be a day that changed everything for myself, Jews around the world, and Israel itself. Yes, it was and still is a wake-up call for all of us.

Beyond Confidence

I have become the greeter at the synagogue. This means that I stand by the door, waiting for people to arrive. I open the door, on the right side of a double doorway, so that if the person(s) entering choose, they have opportunity to kiss the mezuzah on their right side, before they enter.

The door has been locked ever since the tragic events of October Seventh, when 1300 Israelis were massacred by Hamas terrorists, as well as the Palestinian civilians who we now know joined with them on this sick-minded, inhumane attack of innocent Israeli civilians, men, women, children as well as babies and the elderly.

Many in the Jewish community where I live are alarmed by what has happened and what is currently happening around the world. Even the relatively quiet city where I live has its share of Pro-Palestinian protests that are essentially pro-Hamas and anti-Israeli. These are organized by a chapter of the Students for Justice for Palestine on Campus as well as local Leftist activists.

I have been asked several times what I would do, if there was an issue at the synagogue. That depends on the nature of the circumstances. However, if I see someone who looks suspicious, rather than open the door and greet him, I intend to step outside and let the door close behind me. I have no fear.

Several months ago, some non-Jewish friends expressed concern for my safety in general, where I live, since I often walk here, there, and everywhere. I told them that I have changed nothing in my (very religious) appearance or attitude, except that I feel even more confident about who I am as a Jewish person, and will not let anything deter me from expressing the nature of my identity.

On the contrary, if I let fear take hold to the slightest degree, then a slow compromise would begin to take effect, and I would slip back into the metaphorical shell of a turtle that I used to hide under, when I was younger. I cannot let fear take root in my consciousness at all.

Not everyone is like this; and, I respect that people need to meet the circumstances from where they are at with themselves and G-d. The point being, that the more we place our trust in G-d, the more of a security He will be to us. Therefore, I have no confidence in myself, beyond the trust that I place in G-d. I will make an effort to stand up for my belief, practice, and identity; however, I will never leave G-d out of the equation.

Breaking the Spell

from Darkness into Light: a personal revelation of faith

I was recently inspired by a speaker at a luncheon, after morning services at the place of worship that I attend every Sabbath. He spoke about his experience in the Israeli military, as a commander in the Golani Brigade, leading his unit on a dangerous mission in 2014, during Operation Protective Edge. The mission was accomplished, yet, at a significant cost to his unit.

He went through a year of rehabilitation in the hospital, and continued to suffer from PTSD. I asked him when he began speaking. He responded, that he began speaking several years ago. I followed up with a question, Did speaking publicly help with PTSD? He responded immediately in the affirmative, stating that it is therapy for him.

This resonated with me. And, the timing, around my own hesitance to begin speaking openly about my own experience is more than a coincidence. With that said, I will begin to recount, in as much detail that I am able to provide at this time, my own narrative, concerning my experience the before, during, and after, participation in a New Age Millenarian Therapy Cult.

To start with, for myself, and others who have been in a cult, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is invariably something to contend with by all ex-cult members, regardless of what type of cult they have been in. For myself, to begin bringing these things out into the open is like breaking a spell, so that I may be liberated from the chains to my past that bind me.

In fact, it wasn’t until five years after I broke free from my therapist, that a counselor at the False Memory Syndrome Foundation in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania took the time to explain to me that I actually was being held as a “mental hostage” all of those years. Thus began, at that time, an objective inquiry into what I had actually been subjected to all of those years.

Darkness into Light

Recently, I have been reflecting upon whether or not to begin disclosing material of a personal nature, especially in regard to my past. The primary question of mine has been how to bring the experience of my past out into the open with friends and family. However, it struck me that it might be easier to do so, even in a more comprehensive way, via one of the platforms whereof I have been presenting my thoughts on what is most important to me – my religious path.

For it is solely my connection to G-d that has brought me through everything that I have been dealing with for decades. The aftermath of what I went through still resides in my heart, in need of redemption from the shadows that still surround that experience, so many years ago. What better way to reclaim my past, by bringing out into the light, what remains hidden, in the darkness of my psyche.

My background in psychology has helped me to review my experience in a more objective manner, than if I did not have that background; yet, the emotional components remain stuck to some degree, only showing up in ways that may be considered as maladaptive coping mechanisms with material that has yet to be resolved from the perspective of therapy. I am my own therapist; and, G-d is my mentor. This is how it’s been more or less, ever since I escaped from a New Age Millenarian therapy cult in 1994.

I may decide to create an accompanying video for each topic that I delve into, so as to go into more depth on that topic, in an up-front, candid, honest way, beyond what is possible through the more cerebral process of writing. For, I only now realized what has been influencing me subconsciously to withhold disclosure about my experience in the therapy cult: an implicit threat against talking about the nature of the therapy sessions, made by my therapist years ago.

Shoah Martyrs from Bolechov

On my father’s side of the family:

(from Bolechov, Poland; currently, Bolekhiv, Ukraine)

Chaim ben Yaakov Schnee

Elka Schnee (nee Fasberg)

Gitel bas Chaim

Isaac ben Chaim

Sarah bas Chaim

Sason ben Chaim

Yaakov ben Chaim

Sosie bas Chaim

Melamed

Joseph ben Melamed

Chaje Ruchel bas Chaim

—– —– —–

Yehoshua Mordechai ben Yaakov Schnee

Ziona Schnee (nee Weisbard)

Moses ben Yehoshua Mordechai Schnee

Chana Schnee (nee Turkel)

Yaakov ben Moses

Celina bas Moses

Tzila bas Moses

Israel ben Yehoshua Mordechai

Sorke Schnee (nee Goldfischer)

Aryeh ben Israel

Tzinah bas Israel

Basia bas Yehoshua Mordechai

Gotshalk ben Basia

Hirsch Ber Tzvi Dov ben Yehoshua Mordechai

Kalman ben Yehoshua Mordechai

Esther bas Yehoshua Mordechai

Reisel bas Yehoshua Mordechai

On the Road Again

I will be traveling across the country by train for the first time in three years to attend the bar Mitzvah of my nephew. I intend to post some updates – a travelogue – of my journey along the way. I will be travelling, after this event, to visit my mother who will not be attending, because of a serious heart condition. If you feel inspired to contribute a few dollars for my travelling expenses, I would greatly appreciate your contribution.

Thank you very much. G-d bless.

Please, find link to contribute here.

Soul Renewal: Changes Along the Journey of Life

“Some people will remain with us on our journey when we change; others will not.” – Tzvi Fievel Schnee

As I change, from time to time, over certain periods of my life, the adage that was made known to me, personally, by the founders of PD Seminars, at The Haven in British Columbia has become realized: I was told that some people would draw closer to me, and others would move further away from me. It is as if I can add this statement to my “facts of life” list, if indeed I had a facts of life list to begin with, written down somewhere in my personal journal. Yet, I never even though about beginning a list like that until now. The reason that I have even brought up this issue, is based upon my noticing that every once in a while, my Instagram account loses a follower: it is as if to say, that it is a fact of life for those who post on Instagram and other social media platforms; of course, this could apply to any other social media platform. Although I cannot be sure, I make the generalization with some certainty, despite any statistics; therefore, I hope that what I have mentioned in this specific post of mine, may be of some consolation to others.

Rosh Chodesh Tammuz 5782

Today is Rosh Chodesh Tammuz,

the first day of the new month of Tammuz on the Hebrew calendar.

Aside from entering the auspicious month of Tammuz, wherein the 17th of Tammuz commemorates the breach of the walls of Jerusalem by the Romans in 70 C.E., the three weeks leading up to Tish b’Av begins on that day. On the ninth of Av, both the first Temple in 586 B.C.E., and the second Temple in 70 C.E. were destroyed. Yet, we look forward to the building of the Third Temple, in like manner that light always follows darkness at dawn.

Tammuz is also a month of reckoning, whereof we may focus on ourselves, in terms of our own progress and lack thereof, taking stock of our weaknesses, as well as our strengths. Our “spiritual reserve,” may be running low; perhaps, akin to the sins that lead to the destruction of the Temples amongst those two generations, especially sinas chinam, baseless enmity. Yet, for myself, and K’lal Yisrael (All of Israel), I take hope, for our generation is the generation of return, both in the sense of teshuvah (repentance), and an actual return to Israel:

“And it shall come to pass, when all these things are come upon thee, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before thee, and thou shalt bethink thyself among all the nations, whither the L-RD thy G-d hath driven thee, and shalt return unto the L-RD thy G-d, and hearken to His voice according to all that I command thee this day, thou and thy children, with all thy heart, and with all thy soul; that then the L-RD thy G-d will turn thy captivity, and have compassion upon thee, and will return and gather thee from all the peoples, whither the L-RD thy G-d hath scattered thee.” – Deuteronomy 30:1-3, JPS 1917 Tanach

If you appreciate the content at the Tree of Life, please consider “buying me a cup of tea” for three dollars. (To donate, please find link here). Thank you very much. And, may G-d bless you. Shalom.

Shavuot Reflection 5782

To some extent, the nature of Judaism very well may appear to be a smorgasbord of various beliefs, practices, and minchagim (customs). Nowhere is this more clear to me, than at the shul (place of worship) that I frequent on Shabbos and yom tov, as well as other, holidays. Where I live, a lot of out of town Jewish visitors show up, especially for yom tov.

Inasmuch that I became an observant Jew in 2005, I took upon myself as a ba’al teshuvah, specific modes of yiddishkeit, based upon what I learned from others. Moreover, about twelve years later, I learned that my grandfather was a Chassidic rabbi. Thus, through my lineage, I am a Bolechover chasid, my ancestors on the paternal side of my family, being from Bolechov, Poland.

So, I prefer not to conform, nor model my sense of Yiddishkeit, roughly translated as “things Jewish,” after the type of Chassidism being promoted where I attend services.

To make matters more complicated for me, when observant Jews from out of town visit, any sense of “localness” dissipates into the mountain air, as the priorities of the visitors seem to supersede the local congregation. Case in point, when I facilitated the yizkor service on the second day of Shavuos, one of the visitors, who was holding the Torah, as required during the Yizkor (memorial) service, took it upon himself to start without me.

Mind you, I was standing on the bimah, in the middle of the sanctuary, and hadn’t yet even opened the Yizkor book. Instead of beginning the service anew, with an opening paragraph in English, I picked up where he left off, by abruptly reciting the same prayer in English that he had recited in Hebrew. This dueling for control of the service continued, whereas I was in a position that required assertion on the one hand, without offending the visitor on the other hand.

Was there a misunderstanding, whereas he felt responsibility for leading the service, because he was holding the Torah? To some extent, I showed deference to him, even though I was designated to lead the yizkor service, and had been doing so since the fall holidays. Yet, it seems at times that some visitors would like to run things according to their own ways, irrespective of showing respect to the place where they are visiting. Not that I mean to make a generalization; however, this does seem par for the course, based on various other observations I’ve made over the years.

I absolutely have no sense of belongingness where I attend shul, because if it ever had been about the local congregation, it no longer is. True, the local congregation dwindled significantly after the pandemic began to proliferate; so, there are a number of extenuating circumstances, that compel those in charge to focus on out of towners. Nor, do I have anything against out of town visitors, because I am always fascinated by the Chasidim from Borough Park and elsewhere that visit.

However, I feel as if I stand alone amidst K’lal Yisrael, in a variegated melting pot, that never truly coalesces. No sense of community, like I would ideally envision for a congregation. Not that any congregation would be ideal, anyway, especially, because I am somewhat unique in the values that I would emphasize as crucial to a communal sense of worship, and spiritual growth. Only H’Shem knows, what the future holds for me, or this congregation.