teshuvah – The Tree of Life

Renewal of the Soul

A Pesach Reflection on True Freedom:

Our freedom is not guaranteed, unless we cooperate with HaShem. There were many in Egypt, who were left behind, because their hearts were not open to change. Imagine leaving everything you know behind you. All your comforts in this life, and everything that you take for granted would be exchanged for the emptiness of a barren desert. Yet, it is precisely within unfamiliar territory, within the fertile void, where the shadows of the past still linger, while the promise of a new day approaches, here, is where transformation, in desert of our lives, may occur. Every moment is given along with an opportunity of renewal.

For the Children of Israel, G-d orchestrated the perfect opportunity of redemption, brought forth at midnight, when the tenth plague struck the land of Egypt. Not a single house of the Egyptians was left untouched by this plague, while the homes of the Israelites were safeguarded by the sign of the blood on their doorways. This sign represented their faith in HaShem to deliver them from Egyptian slavery.

From the depths of their heart, they cried out to G-d for 216 years, until they received their redemption. If we cry out about our challenges in life today, our nisyanos (sorrows) that burden our soul, we must cry out to HaShem. We can not voice the concerns of a troubled heart into a vacuum of space and time, expecting release. We must direct our troubles to G-d within the framework of exile and redemption, both past and present.

In like manner that blood was smeared on the doorposts of our ancestors’ homes, the doorway of our heart must be purified through teshuvah in order to receive atonement and release from bondage to our sins. If the influence of the yetzer hara upon our soul is to be diminished, then we need to seek G-d’s help in doing so. Deliverance through the right hand of G-d means trusting in His strength to redeem us from all that plagues our lives, darkens our spiritual insight, and burdens our conscience.

parasha Nasso 5784

“When a man or woman shall commit any sin that men commit, to commit a trespass against the L-RD, and that soul be guilty; then they shall confess their sin which they have done.” – Numbers 5:6-7, JPS 1917 Tanach

According to the Talmud (Pesachim 54a), G-d created teshuvah (repentance), before the creation of the world. This teaching connotes the significance of teshuvah for tikkun hanefesh (rectification of the soul), and tikkun olam (repair of the world). In light of another passage in the Talmud (Megillah 13b), that speaks of the remedy being created before the wound, teshuvah is elevated to a panacea, an all-around cure, capable of transforming lives.

The first person to do teshuvah (repentance), as recorded in the Torah is Yehudah. He publicly acknowledged his transgression, after realizing his guilt. Also, King David, upon hearing a mashal (parable) about a rich man who had many sheep; yet, demanded the one and only sheep of a poor person for dinner, was told by the prophet that he was that man; consequently, he immediately confessed his sin. If only we had the resolve of biblical proportion to act in a decisive way, without hesitance, in recognizing our trespasses against G-d and man.

A sincere confession is necessary to diminish the influence of the yetzer hara (evil inclination), designating past ways of transgression to the past, in order to begin anew (Maimonides). Acknowledging past mistakes, and attitudes, as well as behaviors that are not in accord with a righteous way of living is an act of character, that supplements self-improvement.

“And to him that ordereth his way aright will I show the salvation of G-d” (Psalm 50:23, JPS). When we improve upon our ways, our efforts will elicit a response from Above. For, HaShem gives us the opportunity to do teshuvah, to rectify our ways, so that we may be reconciled to Him.

An Honest Appraisal

Five Thing Essay: Sluggishness

Somewhere between disinterest and overconcern, lies the peace of mind that comes with resting in the assurance that HaShem is sovereign over the events in the lives of my loved ones, and will bring them to a correct realization of the truth in due time. Yet, what will be my role in their conversion of heart? The question remains elusive. So, I will focus on my own derech.

Remove the orlah (obstacles) between yourself and HaShem. How may this be done in an effective manner? This involves teshuvah (repentance) – a return to G-d; however, it may not be as simple as applying oneself to the observance of the mitzvot within the framework of yiddishkeit. The orlah itself may be preventing this from being brought into actuality. Therefore, it may be necessary to work on oneself, in order to improve upon the detriments of the soul, transforming them into a mindset that is open to “receiving the Torah everyday.”

For myself, this includes dealing with a sluggishness at times, that may have its roots in concerns that negatively impact my emotions. And, so, I understand through my experience, the need to resolve emotional issues, in order to find a place of equanimity, from wherein to approach G-d in prayer, and ultimately rely on Him, despite not being able to rely on others within my familial and social milieu. Only G-d can provide the needs that we seek at the depth of our being.

Then, there is the recurring theme of the “pain of the generations,” as per my awareness of my ancestral past, and the shadows of my lineage. Not even my family is bothered the past. They are too busy living their lives in the present, irrespective of the value of heritage. What a tragic loss.

Within the midst of the chaotic unravelling of my life at times, sometimes, I feel “inflated.” At other times, I feel “deflated.” Perhaps, this is a pattern that needs to be examined further. I am too easily affected by my surroundings, conditions and circumstances. What will prevail upon me one day is gone the next. Perhaps, this is because I am irresolute about my own commitments. So, again and again, I reach out to HaShem to have mercy on me.

Pesach Sheini 5784

Pesach Sheini – the Passover of Second Chances

Pesach Sheini, the second Passover, for those who were impure, according to the definition of Torah, or were on a distant journey. Pesach Sheini connotes the idea of second chances. The Israelites who were not able to observe Pesach were given a second chance, one month later, on Nissan 14, in order to do so.

Today, the concept may be applicable to the personal instances of our lives, when we were given a second chance of some nature. Traditionally, matzoh is eaten on Pesach Sheini, although there is no requirement to eat only matzah. Apropos of the theme, let us all consider the second chance to re-evaluate our lives in the face of the challenges ahead.

The redemptive quality of the day may be fostered by praying for our own liberation from any obstacles preventing us from becoming better versions of ourselves. Although, we cannot simply affect an upgrade to a “better version of ourselves,” without harnessing the transformative grace of HaShem. G-d is our Designer, so only in accord with the design of the soul, may we be transformed for the better: this is an inner-change on a spiritual level.

What does this encompass? How can we envision this change? It’s important to acknowledge and work through negative emotions so they don’t linger or affect us negatively. Moreover, because this involves the opportunity for change in the immediate sense, it should be less overwhelming than thinking about changing a negative character trait. It is of benefit to focus on the here and now, by making changes in the moment, beginning with our breath.

In focusing on our breath, and, taking some deep breaths, we can begin to become aware of our feelings. Especially, when we are experiencing negative emotions, we can sort out our feelings, by starting with breath and awareness. The next step is acknowledgment of what we are feeling.

After this acknowledgment, that might include identifying the feeling(s), it is important to accept how we feel, before exploring in depth with ourselves the origin of these feelings. This only requires the attention of our mind in the moment, to notice what thoughts or associations arise from the feelings.

In Judaism, there is a difference between feeling a negative emotion, such as anger, and acting upon it. It is forbidden to act on anger in an inappropriate manner. However, in our day to day lives, we can give pause to the feeling, and prevent ourselves from letting the emotional response cause to say or do something that we would regret.

The essence of a second chance, in a religious sense is teshuvah (repentance). However, this requires more than confession of past sins, shortcomings and failures. It requires a change of heart, wherein we seek to “return to G-d.” Teshuvah is from the shoresh (root word), shuv, meaning “to return.” We do so by avoiding the habitual sins of the past and starting anew.

parasha Tazria 5784

“This shall be the law of the leper in the day of his cleansing: he shall be brought unto the priest [kohein].” – Leviticus 14:2, JPS

In each case, whether a person’s home, clothing, or body is stricken with a nega (plague), he is brought to the kohein. The kohein determines not only the status of the suspected nega; he also is qualified on a spiritual level to gain insight on the state of the person’s soul. This concept is in line with the understanding of tzarras as a spiritual malaise that manifests as a skin disease.

Tzarras is one type of nega, the other two in question, here, are those that show up on a person’s clothes or the walls of a home. In all cases, as already mentioned above, the kohein is the sole individual, who uses his discernment to ascertain the specific sin that was the root cause of the blemish on a person’s soul, that manifested as a nega (literally, “plague”).

What can we learn from this connection? HaShem is merciful; He causes afflictions such as negaim (plagues), for the sake of our chastisement, to lead us to teshuvah (repentance). He will send “an early warning signal” as a “wake up call,” specifically designated for us, so that we may scrutinize our own selves, in search for our misdeeds, character defects, and deficiencies.

With the help of the light, shining from Above, we may gain insight into our inner plight.

The Biblical leper was sent outside of the camp to reflect on his spiritual path. In order to focus on their inner-self, state of mind, and psyche, the familiar moorings of community were temporarily diminished. Comparatively speaking, when all else is stripped away, and we realize that there is something more to life than the superficial veneer of materialism, and worldly comforts we have permitted ourselves to arrive at the spiritual door of contemplation, in regard to what lies beyond the mundane existence of life.

Plagues are brought upon the world, and our individual lives as a type of chastisement, to move us in the direction of spiritual growth. If we take admonition to heart, then we will seek improvement in our lives. Yet, what will bring us to that point, where there appears to be a compelling drive to seek beyond the ordinary and delve deeper into our psyche, in search of the answer to questions, unable even to be formed by our conscious mind. Rather, it is a yearning to see beyond the veil, and reach across the chasm between us and a sense of the divine. That encounter first begins in a place of solitude, wherein the silence opens up to an actuality.

The existential loneliness that is at the core of existence is usually avoided by most people through interpersonal relationships, and intrapersonal occupation. Minus these two distractions, in the midst of both interpersonal and intrapersonal isolation, we find existential isolation. Yet, there is no need to be lonely, because the creator is at hand, hidden in the silence, as if He has always been waiting to be found by us. So, like the leper, who is isolated, if we find ourselves with the time, patience, and solitude to explore the unknown, the truth may be revealed to us.

Holy Ground, Ordinary Lives

The Consequences of Moral Choices

Our choices in life make a difference each and every day. Living on holy ground, recognizing the sacredness of the ordinary; realizing, that in every moment we can choose to side with our values, as informed by our belief, or run counter to our sense of morality. Yet, in making the wrong moral choices for ourselves, scripture shows that we may become distanced from G-d, until we do teshuvah (repentance). G-d encourages us to make the right decisions for ourselves and choose life.

What are your thoughts on the relationship between free will and the consequences for our decisions in life?

Teshuvah Insights

Insights into Teshuvah

“The L-RD thy G-d will turn thy captivity.”

– Deuteronomy 30:3, JPS 1917 Tanach

According to the Talmud, this pasuk (verse) may be read to imply that H’Shem will return with thy captivity, indicating that just as the Shechinah (G-d’s Presence) is in exile with us, so, too, will the Shechinah return with us to the Land of Israel.

On another level, in consideration of the exile of the Shechinah as a result of the sin in our lives, through teshuvah, G-d’s presence will return with us, after being taken captive by the negative forces of the Sitra Achra. When we sin, our own spirit becomes tainted by the sitra Achra; yet, when we do teshuvah (repentance), we are brought out of the mire (Igeret HaTeshuva, end of chapter 6).

G-d’s presence will remain with us, as long as we abide in His commandments. Thus, if we sin, His presence is exiled from our awareness, until through teshuvah, we rectify our transgressions. So, the Shechinah, on the one hand, is exiled with the Jewish people, during galus; on the other hand, there is an exile of the Shechinah from our individual awareness, when we steep ourselves in sinful activity that brings down into the Sitra Achra.

Through teshuvah the Shechinah is returned, both on a corporate level, in regard the nation of Israel in due time, when the Third Temple is built, and on an individual level, whenever we are responsible though our misconduct in exiling a portion of the Shechinah, as is implied, “Your sins have distanced yourselves from Elokim (G-d)” (Isaiah 59:2).

shiur: Shabbat Shuvah 5784

After Adam and Chava ate from the Tree of Knowledge, H’Shem called to Adam, “Where art thou?” (Genesis 3:9, JPS, 1917 Tanach). He responded, “I heard Thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid… so I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10, JPS 1917 Tanach). Adam’s shame compelled him to hide himself. Yet, G-d is all-knowing, as well as omnipresent (everywhere present). He surely knew where Adam was. Then, why did he ask, “Where are you?” The answer often given, is that G-d was challenging Adam’s own awareness, in effect, asking, “Where are you” in your relationship with me?

We learn in the Book of Isaiah that sin separates us from G-d (Isaiah 59:2). Adam and Chava (Eve) lost the oneness that they had with H’Shem; as a result of their transgression, they were expelled from Gan Eden, for having partaken from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Up until that point, everything that they experienced in Gan Eden was in one accord with H’Shem, a nondual perspective. Yet, after eating from the tree that was forbidden to eat from, they became aware of good and evil. For this reason, even today, there is not only the external manifestation of good and evil in the world; there is also an admixture of good and bad in everything we do.

Like Adam and Chava, we cannot hide from H’Shem. He knows our thoughts, speech and behavior. Sin separates us from Him; the path to return is through actually admitting our transgressions, unlike the first couple, who circumvented G-d’s questions. At this time of year, during the Ten Days of Awe, and especially on Shabbat Shuvah (the Sabbath of Return), we are all asked, “Where are you?” G-d is prompting us to reveal our sins to Him. Yet, sometimes, our sins may be hidden from ourselves; in this case, we may ask Him to reveal our sins to us. Gemar chatimah tovah – a good final sealing.

Rosh HaShannah 5784

Rosh HaShannah is a time of renewal. Through teshuvah (repentance) we prepare ourselves to face H’Shem: Avinu Malkeinu (Our Father, Our King) on the Day of Judgment for the New Year. Through proper reflection, and rooting out our sins well in advance of that day, we hope to begin the new year with the resolve to start anew.

Rosh HaShannah is considered to be a day of judgment for the new year. We would like to be judged favorably, so we make an accounting of the soul (heshbnon hanefesh), in order that our conscience will permit ourselves to stand before the King. According to the Zohar, “’You stand this day all of you before the L-RD your G-d’” (Deuteronomy 30:9) refers to Rosh HaShannah, when we stand before H’Shem in judgment for the New Year.

When we examine our conscience, we may be brought to a place of moral compunction as a result of guilt and remorse. During the Ten Days of Repentance, otherwise known as the Days of Awe, we continue to search our souls for the flaws that need to be brought into the light . During that time, any judgments against us for the year may be diminished through our efforts at “teshuvah (repentance), tefillah (prayer), and tsedokah (charity),” that “avert the severity of the decree,” for the decrees are not sealed until Yom Kippur.

The Pardon

Elul Preparation: Day 27 – The Pardon

In regard to the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy, we should keep in mind, that when a sin is committed we may appeal to G-d’s mercy. When we receive G-d’s forgiveness, we are pardoned for our transgression. This is also encapsulated in the thirteen attributes, “forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Exodus 34:7).

The question may be asked whether or not thorough G-d’s mercy, His forgiveness also includes atonement. The main requirement for atonement is repentance, or in Hebrew, teshuvah, a return to G-d. This is the start of reconciliation between G-d and man.

Yet, this is a two-way interaction, that through G-d’s mercy, we are forgiven. However, teshuvah requires a change of heart, and commitment to not only abstain from sin; rather also, to do good. Therefore, we must compel ourselves to undertake an effort to be proactive in endeavors that will benefit the soul. Several undertakings are recommended:

It is written elsewhere that the study of Torah and acts of loving-kindness (gemilut chasadim) atone for sin (Talmud, tractate Berachos). This may be understood as two ingredients in the overall “recipe” for teshuvah. So, that rather than the effects of sin lingering, or being prone to fall back into sin, these two endeavors should guard us against future sin.

Add to this the recital of the thirteen attributes, in an earnest appeal to H’Shem. In acknowledgment that we cannot stand on our own, we must keep these in mind. When we recite these during the High Holiday services, a sense of humility should be fostered in our hearts as we acknowledge our spiritual weakness, and His merciful response to us.