The Tree of Life

Journey Forth

weekly Torah reading: parasha Mattos-Masei 5783

“These are the journeys of the Children of Israel, which went forth out of Egypt.” – Numbers 33:1

The forty-two journeys of the Children of Israel, “their goings out according to their journeys by the commandment of H’Shem,” were seen from the perspective of G-d, each one as a significant journey of progress, according to His plan (R’ Hirsch). Each time they set out on a journey to the next encampment, there was no room for regret, if they accomplished, learned, and advanced in character development, according to G-d’s will.

However, even if they failed, they had the opportunity to return to H’Shem through teshuvah (repentance). Therefore, there was still no cause to regret a missed opportunity, as long as they would be focused on a “godly sorrow,” that would bring them to a place of acknowledgment in regard to their transgressions, as well as learning from their mistakes.

Yet, a sorrow in the form of yearning for the past, for the so-called comforts of Egypt (Numbers 11:5-6), or provisions other than the manna and water that H’Shem provided in the desert, led to complaint and rebellion; this was tantamount to turning away from their divinely inspired goal of entering the Promised Land as a people separated from the nations, in order to serve H’Shem. And, He really had their best interests in mind, despite the challenges that the people had encountered along the journey.

H’Shem still has our own best interests in mind today. He has not forgotten the Jewish people. The re-establishment of Israel in 1948 confirms this; as does His Presence with us in the diaspora. Our individual paths are designed by H’Shem to guide us through the challenges of life. Once we learn the lesson, we may move on to the next place or situation, until our souls have sufficiently been refined in order to gain entrance into the ultimate Promised Land: Olam Haba (the World-to-Come).

Gotta Be Me

“Judaism is a gift of G-d. It is not something that we inaugurate, not our attainment, but our inheritance, the accumulated experience of ages. It is to be acquired, not produced.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel, Moral Grandeur & Spiritual Audacity

On my own personal spiritual journey, it was as if G-d was calling me, drawing me closer to Him. The ideal understanding that reached my heart was from my own learning and personal endeavor to comprehend the faith of my heritage, by seeking G-d in a manner that appealed to my Jewish sensibilities.

I began my journey as a ba’al teshuvah, as an individual quest. Today, it continues to be an individual plight, despite my connection to community; in fact, I have never actually felt the need to be dependent upon community. While it is true that community is meant to enhance one’s personal devotion to G-d, there is a dynamic continuum between self and community, wherein friction sometimes results.

Yet, on certain occasions, community has the potential to enhance one’s experience beyond expectation, despite any differences. Case in point, this past Shabbos I remained at shul all day until after havdallah. Three hours of conversation with some friends followed an early minchah. After they left, I had a late seudah shlishi (third meal) in solitude in the social hall. This was truly enriching to me, like a blessing from Above. Half a dozen of us gathered for a quiet maariv, where I was able to daven with kavanah at my own pace – another blessing.

Then, followed havdallah with the same people who davened maariv. As soon as we finished, some chasidim showed up and conducted another havdallah. They sang my favorite tune; so, I joined in for a second havdallah. I believe that H’Shem has shown me, that despite my recent concerns, and existential religious crisis, the spiritual journey, like life, is often bittersweet. I am fortunate to have been able to transcend the bitterness, if only for that one Shabbos.

parasha Pinchas 5783

“Behold, I give unto him My covenant of peace.”

– Numbers 25:12, JPS 1917 Tanach

Pinchas, a grandson of Aaron, Kohein Gadol, had not been granted the status of a kohein (priest), at the time that Aaron and his four sons were designated as such. Rather, only the progeny of Aaron’s sons after their designation as kohanim would also become kohanim. Pinchas, having already been born at that time, did not automatically become one. Only the future born sons of Aaron’s sons would have that status. Yet, an exception was made, later on in the life of Pinchas.

In spite of Balaam’s inability to curse Israel, he compels Balak to enact a devious plan. He explains to Balak that the way to bring malaise and judgment upon Israel is to weaken their kedushah (holiness) from the inside. Therefore, “through the counsel of Balaam,” given to Balak, King of the Moabites, both Moabite and Midianite women were sent to entice the people, “who began to commit harlotry with the daughters of Moab” (Deuteronomy, Numbers 25:1, JPS). Moreover, a leader of one of the tribes, Zimri, cohabited with a Moabite princess.

The nature of their offense was such that they both entered the tent of Zimri in the eyes of Moses, Aaron and the entire congregation, gathered around the Mishkan. His rebellious example required an immediate response. Pinchas “rose up from the midst of the congregation” (Numbers 25:8, JPS). He executed both Zimri and his cohort. Because of this zealous act for the L-rd, the plague that G-d inflicted upon the people for their harlotry ceased. Pinchas was rewarded with a covenant of peace, an eternal covenant of priesthood, “‘because he was jealous for his God, and made atonement for the children of Israel'” (Numbers 25:13).

Shabbat shalom.

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The Clouds Begin to Part

Existential Crisis of a Religious Nature Part three: The Clouds Begin to Part

If I were to attempt to categorize my experience of a religious existential crisis, the nature of my dilemma would fall under the realm of one of the Four Givens of Existential Psychology, namely, the continuum of “meaning-meaninglessness.” For my life is full of meaning, brought to me by my belief and practice. Yet, when my nuanced understanding and focus is not nourished by community, when there is a rift between what I am being presented, and what is appealing to my religious sensibilities, then my spiritual nourishment is diminished.

Yet, on the other side of the c0in, so to speak, is the continuum of isolation-connection. Truth be told, I am an introvert. So, I hardly ever feel isolate when ins solitude. Rather, I thrive in solitude. Still, my spiritual journey is often enhanced by this or that communal experience’ although, this is not always the case. I do not experience a sense of consistent renewal through community; in actuality, I only feel renewed when I explore my connection to G-d in solitude.

So, an in-depth exploration of what is of most value to me, inclusive of the sources I feel drawn toward, is imperative for the spiritual growth of my soul. For, I have reached an impasse in my life, whereof I must endeavor to find an open doorway to continue on the derech (path) in a meaningful and spiritually enriching way. In realizing the potential growth ahead of me and possible changes to my understanding, I can breathe a sigh of relief. It is as if the first rays of light are now appearing at dawn.

Overshadowed by the Moon

Religious Existentialism: existential crisis of a religious nature

If community participation eclipses one’s personal sense of belief and practice, disallowing for creative growth, as if one is simply expected to absorb the specific emphasis of teachings, and the overall philosophy of a particular style of Judaism without questioning, reflection, or discussion, how can one thrive, except as a wilted flower? The burden of such a contrast in approach prevents the goods of the Jewish faith from reaching the individual’s uniqueness.

If one’s understanding is nuanced, different than the perspective, approach, and emphasis, then, an apparent disconnect may occur. Consider, that the spirit of Judaism includes the concept of the seventy facets of Torah, that should foster appreciation and respect for individual perspectives. Moreover, inquiry into Torah is validated by Torah itself, wherein the middle of the Five Books of Moses, the same word is repeated twice: darosh, darosh – inquire, inquire.

If an individual becomes overwhelmed by the collective set of understanding, pervasive stance, and repetitive style of rhetoric, this may result in diminishing the sense of awe and wonder that Judaism should inspire. Moreover, I do not want to be provided with the answers; I would like to focus on the questions. Therefore, I need to retreat in order to gain room to breathe.

My experience has reminded me of Heschel’s insight, regarding the importance “to rediscover the questions to which religion is an answer.” He explains that “the inquiry must proceed both by delving into the consciousness of man as well as by delving into the teachings and attitudes of the religious tradition” (G-d in Search in Man, ch.1). I yearn to begin this exploration.

The Red Cow (parumah adumah)

parasha Chukat (Numbers 19:1 – 22:1) 5783

A chukat is a particular type of commandment that defies rational explanation. The parashas refers to the decree of the parumah adumah (red heifer). The offering is slaughtered outside of the camp; it is completely burned in fire. Hyssop, cedar wood, and crimson thread are thrown into the fire with the red heifer. The ashes are used in a minute way – only sparingly mixed with mayim chayim (living water), i.e. from a water source like a river.

The purpose of this water with the mixture of ashes is to purify people who have come into contact with a dead body, and, therefore tamei (unclean). The water is sprinkled upon them on the third and the seventh day of their purification. Yet, the kohein who is tahor (clean) becomes tamei (unclean) when he performs the offering of the parumah adumah.

The entire premise of the chukat of the red heifer points towards having emunah (faith) in the effectiveness of this remedy for contamination. In other words, it is only through a chukat that is not objectively clear to the intellect, through which a means of purification occurs. It is as if the goal of the chukat is to inspire our faith in the One who gave the decree.

The account of the passing of Miriam occurs right after the description of the chukat of the parumah adumah. The Sages infer that this exemplifies how like an offering brings atonement, so does the death of a righteous person. Moreover, the passing of Aaron occurs in juxtaposition to a description of the garments of the Kohein Gadol. As the garments of the Kohein Gadol atone for sin, so does the death of a righteous person (Moed Katan 29a). The deaths of Aaron and Miriam brought atonement to the generation in the desert.

Discernment, Reckoning, and Olam Haba

parasha Chukat-Balak 5783

“And H-Shem said unto Moses and Aaron: ‘Because ye believed not in Me, to sanctify Me in the eyes of the children of Israel, therefore ye shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them.'” – Numbers 20:12, JPS 1917 Tanach

Moses was previously told to strike the rock (see Exodus 17:6); yet, now he is being told to “speak to the rock” (Numbers 20:8). This is an important difference. However. Moses is also told to take the staff with him, when he goes to speak to the rock before the eyes of the assembly. Even so, there is also a difference between being told to take the staff with him, presumably as a sign of authority, versus using the staff in a manner that had not been explicitly stated by H’Shem.

There are many reasons given by the sages as to why Moses struck the rock. Perhaps, based upon his corresponding words, referring to B’nei Yisrael as rebels, he had let anger occlude his judgment. If so, then one lesson to be emphasized is that of the use of proper discernment in our lives. The people, also, apparently lacked discernment in that particular instance as well:

Purportedly, when they drank form the waters that flowed from the rock that Moses struck, there was no difference in the manner that they drank from that of the animals. They had succumbed to their animal instincts, what is referred to in Judaism as the animal soul, the side of human beings that is lesser in quality and distinction than the part of the human soul that is capable of transcending our baser instincts.

We are not animals, we are human beings with a soul infused into us by G-d (see Genesis 2:7). With this in mind, I have been making a deliberate attempt not to eat in any manner that would contradict my own sense of human dignity. This includes making sure to say the after blessing, as well as the primary blessing, before eating this kind of food or that kind food.

How do we sanctify H’Shem in our own lives, and the eyes of others? (see 20:12 above). Where in our lives, do we neglect to sanctify H’Shem? What is the result in the eyes of others, when we fail to do so. It is written “that man hath no pre-eminence above a beast; for all is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 3:19). Yet, Solomon asks, “Who knoweth the spirit of man whether it goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast whether it goeth downward to the earth?” (Ecclesiastes 3:22, JPS). The question is answered elsewhere, as a daily reminder in the morning prayers:

“All is vain, except for the pure soul that gives an account of reckoning before the Throne of G-d.” – paraphrase of standard translation

Therefore, we have a purpose and direction in life, further emphasized by the Ramachal in Mesillas Yesharim (The Path of the Just), who explains that the purpose of our life in Olam Hazeh (This World) is to live in a manner of righteousness that will ultimately lead to a good place in Olam Haba (the World to Come. As is written elsewhere, “This world is like a vestibule leading to the World-to Come. Prepare yourself in the vestibule (waiting room), so that you may enter the banquet hall” (Pirkei Avot4:21).

Eclipsed by the Sun

“Thinking about G-d begins when we do not know any more how to wonder, how to fear, how to be in awe.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel; G-d in Search of Man

Individuality is not a social construct. That might seem obvious. Yet, how many of us think of ourselves as individuals, without realizing that our individuality actually depends upon a social construct. The problem of awareness in regard to one’s “sense of self,” albeit, a concern most people never ponder upon, comes into stark relief when part of a religious community. The question arises, where does the community end, and one begin: it is a question having to do with personal boundaries and identifying markers, beliefs, and attitudes.

There is a story of a chasid whose aptitude at learning was minimal, and understanding of his faith was below average; in other words, his personal engagement with his belief and practice left much to be desired. Yet, he was carried along by the nature of the community. Being part of the whole. Enabled him to focus less on his detriments, and feel as if he was a member of something greater than himself.

I imagine, that from a psychological perspective, he lost himself in the group identity, and was content thereof, being immersed in that feeling of solidarity, if not oceanic submersion that can occur during moments of community prayer. Then, as the story goes, something happened, where he was called to another town, and found himself alone without his community.

Perhaps, it is a different sort of experience when one realizes the community is no longer positively oriented to his or her personal spiritual growth, thus this realization leads to a need to step back for a specific period of time in order to reflect upon who one is in relationship to his faith. Ultimately, the question to be emphasized regards one’s identity in relationship to G-d.

If the community becomes a replacement for this primary relationship, and participation eclipses one’s personal sense of faith, what is the solution? A personal commitment to exploration of one’s faith through prayer, and reflection in solitude may provide an answer to the dilemma.

The G-d of All Spirits

motzei Shabbos: parasha Korach 5783 – The G-d of All Spirits

“O G-d, the G-d of the spirits of all flesh, shall one man sin, and wilt Thou be wroth with all the congregation?” – Numbers 16:22, JPS 1917 Tanach

With the rebellion looming over Moses and Aaron, poised to overthrow them, H’Shem told Moses and Aaron to separate themselves from the congregation, so that He might destroy the entire congregation. Yet, Moses interceded on behalf of the people; in doing so, he addressed G-d as “the G-d of the spirits of all flesh.”

In other words, Moses appealed to G-d, Who knows the hearts of all mankind, including their thoughts, inasmuch that in this specific case, He knew who was loyal to Him, and who was disloyal. So, Moses pleaded on behalf of the people that G-d would distinguish between the conspirators, and those of the people who still trusted in Him. As a result of Moshe’s heartfelt prayer, G-d decided to limit the extent of the punishment only to the guilty.

It is written elsewhere, that “every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the L-RD pondereth the hearts” (Proverbs 21:2). Thusly related to the means G-d uses, through His Spirit, to search our hearts, in like manner that he weighed the hearts of B’nei Yisrael, to see where they stood in regard to Him, at the time of Korach’s rebellion, He also looks past our sense of self-righteousness into the depths of our heart.

We should appeal to Him, to help us in discerning our intentions, sincerity, and inner spirituality, so that we do not deceive ourselves into thinking that we are better persons than we really are. In this manner, we can look at ourselves honestly as our heart is revealed to us by H’Shem.

parasha Korach 5783

weekly Torah reading: parasha Korach 5783

“In the morning the L-RD will reveal who is His and who is holy. The one whom He will let come near to Him; will be the one He chooses to come near unto Him.” – Numbers 16:5,

Korach separated himself from the assembly of the H’Shem. He purported to champion the people, inasmuch that he claimed that everyone was holy, saying that Moses and Aaron should not lift themselves “above the assembly of the L-RD” (Numbers 16:3, JPS); yet, commentary explains that Korach wanted Aaron’s position of Kohein Gadol (High Priest) for himself. Therefore, his mass appeal was a ruse, made only to aggrandize himself, and his followers.

In response to the challenge of Korach and his followers, Moshe spoke of a test, whereby “the L-RD will show who are His, and who is holy.” He said, “take ye everyman his fire-pan, and put incense upon them, and bring ye before the L-RD every man his fire-pan, two hundred and fifty fire pans; thou also, and Aaron, each his fire-pan” (Numbers 16:17).

Meanwhile, H’Shem told Moshe, “Speak unto the congregation, saying: Get you up from about the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram” (Numbers 16:24). The earth opened up its mouth, and swallowed Korach, his family, and his followers; they “went down alive into the pit; and the earth closed upon them, and they perished from among the assembly” (24:33). “Fire came forth from the L-RD, and devoured the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense” (24:35).

Moshe and Aharon, as well as the kohanim (Aaron’s sons), and the Levites were chosen by H’Shem; however, Korach and his followers challenged that decision. The price they paid may seem steep; yet, if the rebellion had not been quenched, G-d’s plan would have been overthrown. Moreover, one lesson to be learned for ourselves is as follows: instead of praising ourselves, like the haughty Korach, we should seek to please H’Shem within the parameters He has bestowed upon us, in regard to our calling in life (see also Proverbs 21:2, 27:2).