Tag: character development

An Honest Appraisal

Five Thing Essay: Sluggishness

Somewhere between disinterest and overconcern, lies the peace of mind that comes with resting in the assurance that HaShem is sovereign over the events in the lives of my loved ones, and will bring them to a correct realization of the truth in due time. Yet, what will be my role in their conversion of heart? The question remains elusive. So, I will focus on my own derech.

Remove the orlah (obstacles) between yourself and HaShem. How may this be done in an effective manner? This involves teshuvah (repentance) – a return to G-d; however, it may not be as simple as applying oneself to the observance of the mitzvot within the framework of yiddishkeit. The orlah itself may be preventing this from being brought into actuality. Therefore, it may be necessary to work on oneself, in order to improve upon the detriments of the soul, transforming them into a mindset that is open to “receiving the Torah everyday.”

For myself, this includes dealing with a sluggishness at times, that may have its roots in concerns that negatively impact my emotions. And, so, I understand through my experience, the need to resolve emotional issues, in order to find a place of equanimity, from wherein to approach G-d in prayer, and ultimately rely on Him, despite not being able to rely on others within my familial and social milieu. Only G-d can provide the needs that we seek at the depth of our being.

Then, there is the recurring theme of the “pain of the generations,” as per my awareness of my ancestral past, and the shadows of my lineage. Not even my family is bothered the past. They are too busy living their lives in the present, irrespective of the value of heritage. What a tragic loss.

Within the midst of the chaotic unravelling of my life at times, sometimes, I feel “inflated.” At other times, I feel “deflated.” Perhaps, this is a pattern that needs to be examined further. I am too easily affected by my surroundings, conditions and circumstances. What will prevail upon me one day is gone the next. Perhaps, this is because I am irresolute about my own commitments. So, again and again, I reach out to HaShem to have mercy on me.

Omer Count: Day 33 Essential Humility

hod shebbe hod: splendor within splendor

(Otherwise rendered as humility within humility)

What is the essence of humility? At the depths of our humility, the soul is encompassed by splendor. Because hod is sometimes rendered as humility, and other times as splendor, there must be a connection between these two aspects of the middah (character trait). One explanation, in a nutshell, is that by humbling ourselves, we are able to reflect the splendor of G-d.

In the eyes of others, those who are sincerely humble, are often overlooked; yet, their splendor radiates in unseen realms. On the other hand, those who aggrandize themselves, do so to be seen; yet, they may only be great in their own eyes. The splendor that lasts is conferred by G-d, and G-d alone. His glory outshines ours; yet, He may bestow some of His glory upon us, when we humble ourselves before Him.

“For thus saith the High and Lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy: I dwell in the high and holy place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.” – Isaiah 59:7, JPS Tanach

Omer Count: Day 32 A Modest Estimation

Netzach shebbe Hod: Endurance within Splendor

(Otherwise rendered as endurance within humility).

“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”- Proverbs 16:32, JPS

Israel is called to show all humility and deference to G-d, in acknowledgment that He will fight our battles for us. Figuratively speaking, this may apply to the inner battles that we face everyday within ourselves, especially, in our attempts to rule over our passions.

In order to maintain humility, we should be aware of pride in all of its manifestations, such as arrogance, haughtiness, and self-centeredness. By diminishing the potential for pride in ourselves, we allow for the presence of humility. Pride is an overexaggerated sense of self-importance. Yet, a healthy sense of self-esteem is an exception to pride. Self-esteem is both healthy and necessary in a person’s life; although, there may be a fine line, between self-esteem and pride that would need to be drawn by the individual.

Maintaining a modest estimation of oneself and one’s abilities is not an easy endeavor. There is the lure of human tendency to aggrandize ourselves, compete against others, and climb up the ladder of egoism towards self glory. On the other hand, humility does not require becoming a doormat, for others to wipe their feet upon.

A comprehensive understanding of our strengths and weaknesses is necessary. Ultimately, by humbling ourselves before G-d, we can allow Him to raise us up, to build and rebuild our lives, and to cast His glory [splendor] upon us.

Omer: Day 31 Kaleidoscopic Splendor

Tiferes shebbe Hod: Beauty within Splendor

(Otherwise rendered as harmony within humility).

As explained elsewhere, only through bowing down in our hearts to the splendor of the L-RD, may we also acquire splendor, by way of reflecting His Splendor. Therefore, we may find through harmonizing ourselves enough to show deference to G-d, we may bear the light bestowed upon us through our reconciliation with Him.

By way of harmonizing ourselves, I mean to bring the soul into alignment with truth, by sifting through the various inconsistencies in character, called from a psychological perspective, “cognitive dissonance.” Ideally, the result would be like viewing the shapes combined into patterns within the kaleidoscope of our soul.

Imagine all of the variegated shapes being lit up by light in the background; this effect would be akin to G-d’s splendor being reflected by our souls.

Omer: Day 30 Stand Humble

Gevurah shebbe Hod: Power within Splendor

The splendor of the L-RD is energized by the eternal source of Life that is synonymous with G-d’s existence: He existed before the beginning and brought all into being. Because He created us, the strength that we have as human beings, should be drawn only from Him through the performance of mitzvot.

The strength (gevurah) of humility (hod), contrary to misconceptions, is not found in cowardice, nor timidity.  We should be aware of the potential for false humility, that manifests as emotional imposters in our hearts, claiming that we may not be worthy enough, courageous enough, or strong enough to stand up for our own integrity in HaSHem.

Omer Count: Week Five

5th Emotional Attribute: Hod (Splendor)

By humbling ourselves, we are able to reflect the splendor of G-d. Only through bowing down in our hearts to the splendor of the L-RD, may we also acquire splendor, by way of reflecting His Splendor. This is a basic metaphysical, aka spiritual principle, explained within the context of the sefirot. This is noted as well, in a comparably similar concept, concerning how the light of the sun is reflected by the moon. The moon, in and of itself, has no light, except for the light that strikes the surface of the moon. It waxes and wanes, dependent upon its location in regard to the sun.

So, too, with human beings, inasmuch that we are dependent upon the kavod (glory) of HaShem to light our way. And, any glory that we have is only His kavod resting upon us. Even our very life breath originates with G-d, so that He sustains us each and every moment of the day. Thus, we are humbled before Him, in acknowledgement of His greatness, and capabilities, in terms of how our very lives are dependent upon Him. When we act in accordance with His will and align ourselves with His words, He will bestow His splendor upon us.

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Omer Count: Day 27 – Foundational Truths

Yesod shebbe Netzach: Foundation of Victory

How well am I able to maintain an active participation in the foundational truths of my life? Do I only have an intellectual understanding of those truths? Or, am I able to ground those truths within the framework of my everyday life? Moreover, when faced with challenges, within and without, how well will that foundation prove to support the overall structure of my belief and practice?

The stronger my foundation, the greater my ability to endure the storms of life. If my foundation is like a house built upon a rock, then it will be more secure than a foundation built upon sand. A solid foundation is one that will withstand the changing seasons, because the underlying principles are founded upon timeless truths. Yet, a foundation built upon the shifting sands of societal norms will not last. Without a firm foundation we will sink into this quagmire of confusion. Without building blocks that will provide a sure foundation, a structure built upon empty truths, ultimately, will not be established.

The measure of strength of a foundation may very well be its resistance to change; therefore, only time-tested truths will ultimately prevail. The establishment of any foundation that is not in accord with those truths will ultimately fail to provide the shelter that only can only be provided through what is Heaven sent.

Omer Count: Day 26 – Resilience in Adversity

hod shebbe netzach

The quality of humility in regard to endurance may be envisioned as a bamboo tree yielding to a strong wind in a storm, signifying, that endurance in the face of life’s challenges may also require resilience. When we are able to acknowledge our limitations in the face of adversity, then we may be compelled to gather inner strength.

Acknowledgment of our limitations may compel us to renew our strength through a resilient spirit. Our resilience in the face of adversity may depend upon an added measure of assistance from outside of our own resources, in order to persist with any worthy endeavor.

The splendor of hod represents the light of G-d, that shines upon us when we humble ourselves in respect to Him. (We mirror his light). By recognizing our limitations, we may receive His blessing to endure, with a little help from Above. In G-d’s eyes, when we reach out to Him, we are being dependent in a good way.