character development – Page 4

The Mindful Moment

What prevents you from experiencing each moment of your life more fully? Consider that every moment has the potential to reveal a rich connection to ourselves, beyond what we perform by default in a rote manner. By rote, I mean any activity performed unthinkingly, on automatic, without giving deliberate attention to that activity. For instance, I noticed that I often rush through a beracha over food, skipping the first part, wherein HaShem is acknowledged, and going right to the individual ending such as borei pri haEtz or borei pri haAdamah. Why? It is because of what I refer to as “background anxiety.” This is the kind of anxiety that remains, for the most part, unnoticed. Otherwise, it is part and parcel of being caught up in the momentum of a hectic pace.

What is necessary, from a psychological standpoint is to shift from the automatic mind to the conscious mind. These two modes of thinking depict the difference between running on automatic, in reaction mode to responding to the moments we encounter in life, without letting our emotions rule. This is important, to have an awareness of what state of mind we are in, and once we become aware of moving unthinkingly through a task or moment in time, to interrupt the reactive brain and shift into a more conscious and mindful state of mind. This can be done as simply as pausing, taking a deep breath, and slowing down, to focus more in the moment.

Mesillas Yesharim (Path of the Just) teaches that awareness is a necessary component of spiritual growth. Everything starts with awareness and conscious choice. We do not want to live mindless lives. Yet, the more aware I become of my ways, the more I realize that I often do not move through life in a deliberate, conscious way. Rather, I speak without thinking, repeat talking points without evaluating them, and react emotionally, without restraint. Changing habitual patterns of behavior is challenging; yet, it is possible, with continual effort. So, stop, pause, and reflect enough to focus on your inner state, while tuning out any distractions. Incorporate this practice into your life for the best results.

Awe & Reverence

Approaching life in a reverential manner requires a distance between the self and the sacred. It is also helpful to foster an inwardly silent mind; yet, in order to do so, great effort must be made to quiet the mind. Rather, we need to separate the essential jewels from the nonessential clutter of our minds. Only then, can we arrive at a place of stillness in the mind, wherein we can acknowledge the uniqueness of others and creation from an experiential standpoint of awe and reverence.

In solitude, or around others, an inner calmness may reside, within the sense of self, fostered, when connecting to the essential dimension of being human, that unique aloneness of our existence. This is not the normal state of mind that we are familiar with, unless we are able to become comfortable spending time alone, connecting to the stillness of our existence.

As human beings, our sense of “existential isolation” is minimized by our incessant activity in life, and preoccupations of the mind. We do not often leave ourselves much time to reflect upon ourselves, or the meaning of our lives, beyond our vocations. We busy ourselves with other things, than the inner dimension of the soul.

We are unique individuals on earth with a purpose for being here, above and beyond our everyday concerns. Moreover, our connection to G-d and the world around us is limited by our preoccupations with self. We enclose ourselves in our own personal spheres, surrounded by a bubble of protection from the other, the unknown, and anything that is outside our comfort zone.

Yet, the expansiveness felt by becoming absorbed in the beauty of a sunset, or the sky with its deep endless blue, is the type of awe that is available to us in regard to all of creation. We only need look beyond ourselves, while keeping our hearts pure. “Above all that thou guardest keep thy heart; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23, JPS 1917 Tanach).

Habitual Patterns, Eternal endeavors

Moving Past the Comfort Zone, One Step at a Time

The one who makes the extra effort to improve himself, by going beyond his or her established norm is doing well. In order to break a habit or move past one’s “comfort zone,” that first step is required. For example, in regard to breaking a habit, in the moment, one must change his mind, about continuing with whatever his compulsory drive is about to compel him to do.

In the case of moving out of one’s comfort zone, it is important to go the extra mile. So, to move forward, instead of settling for less than one’s potential is admirable. This effort is necessary, in order to serve God, according to our derech (path), for, we should not remain complacent (Likutei Amarim, end of chapter 15).

Taking that extra step towards freedom from the clutches of a negative habit, or compelling oneself to do even better in regard to a positive routine is what will bring us closer to the ideal person that we envision for ourselves.

In order to change the trajectory of a negative inclination, that if followed, would have only kept us in negativity, one must believe it is possible to succeed. Spiritual growth is not any different, theoretically, than efforts at discipline in regard to an exercise routine for the body. One more push up, every once in a while or an extra sit-up or two, proves to ourself that we have the potential to do more, if we set our minds to it.

This can also be understood in the realm of character development. For example, we may contribute to the benefit and welfare of others in some particular manner, such as giving a quarter to the nice lady on the corner, everyday, as we walk to the coffeeshop; yet, what about, stopping and saying “hi,” or simply, “G-d bless you.” These little extras add to the mitzvah. This same understanding of increasing the quality of good deed can be applied to other mitzvoth as well.

I am not talking about pushing oneself, as if one is not doing enough already; rather, to grow in a steady manner, as we see feasible for ourselves, and are inspired to do so. It is not necessarily about reaching the next level or rung on the ladder; rather, about meeting the moment with the effort that will prove our ability to pass a test with flying colors, like a ship returning from the battle.

Our battle is between our lesser inclination to remain static, and our higher inclination to improve ourselves, one embellishment at a time, beautifying the mitzvoth (good deeds) of our lives. For myself , I am learning how to focus more on the present moment rather than the incessant struggle to achieve for myself greater and greater spiritual status in my own eyes. So, it appears to be more about the journey, than the destination. These efforts will be granted a reward both in this life and Olam Haba (the World-to-Come).

Free Will

Freedom and Responsibility:

Mankind was given free will, as denoted by the two inclinations, inferred, according to the sages, by the doubling of the Hebrew letter “yud,” in the word yetzer, when used to describe the creation of man (Genesis 2:7). Notably, the word, yetzer, when used to describe the creation of animals, only uses one “yud,” because animals only have one inclination, i.e., their “instinctual drive.” (Genesis 2:19). Yet, mankind has both a good inclination and an evil inclination.

Additionally, there are consequences for the choices we make in life: “I have set before thee life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore choose life, that thou mayest live” (Deuteronomy 30:19, JPS). If we follow our good inclination, by focusing on H’Shem, and performing the mitzvot, we will receive blessings in our lives. Conversely, if we permit our evil inclination to get the better of us, the consequences are described as curses.

We need to establish our proper conduct in this world. We are commanded “to love the L-RD thy G-d, to walk in His ways, and to keep His commandments” (Deuteronomy 30:16, JPS). This includes making rational decisions for ourselves in accordance with G-d’s will. We also need to accept responsibility for the choices we make; if we err, there will be negative consequences.

Doing good starts with awareness of the struggle between the yetzer tov (good inclination) and the yetzer hara (evil inclination). H’Shem encourages to choose the good by way of His promptings. We may do so by attempting to reign over the emotions and desires of our heart, that could otherwise lead us astray. Our rational mind needs to be set above this struggle, in order to make the right decision in any given moment. Sifting through our subjective experience, we need to sort out right from wrong. We need G-d’s directive in order to do so.

After the Festival

Rosh Hashanah shiur – Sanctification

“And now, Israel, what doth the L-RD thy G-d require of thee, but to fear the L-RD thy G-d, to walk in all His ways, and to love Him, and to serve the L-RD thy G-d with all thy hear and with all thy soul; to keep for thy good the commandments of the L-RD, and His statutes, which I command thee this day?” – Deuteronomy 10:12-13, JPS 1917 Tanach

If we make an effort to sanctify ourselves from Below (Earth), according to our own efforts, H’Shem will sanctify us from Above (Heaven). Moreover, this also translates into our overall efforts in Olam Hazeh (This World), that will be rewarded in Olam Haba (The World-to-Come). This would include the sanctification of speech.

For myself, the nature, timing, and quality of my words need much refining. As much as I may think that I’m cautious about my speech, as a boundaried individual, I also am able to see where I fall short of appropriate speech. Namely, the many different kinds of lashon hara are a reminder to me, that I need to make an effort to improve in this department. Which serves as a segue to another important point.

Rosh HaShanah should ideally be a serious day of focus on one’s thought, speech, and action, while remaining free from chatter, and idle words, in order to have one’s thoughts absorbed with the meaning of the holiday. However, this task becomes even more challenging at seudah (lunch) after the morning service. I found myself reverting back to the same types of inappropriate speech I have been trying to root out.

Isn’t this the nature of festivities, when there is wine and good food? Yet, regardless, I am still responsible for my own speech and behavior. The only positive result of my realizing that I spoke lashon hara twice during seudah, is that my faults compelled me to begin reading the sefer of Chofetz Chaim on Lashon Hara. And, lo and behold, the book is arranged to study these laws, beginning on Tishrei 1.

So, here I am. Hineni. Like all of us, I am given another chance to improve. May this only be the beginning of renewal for all of K’lal Yisrael. For the sake of our own benefit (Deuteronomy 10:13), may we endeavor to keep on track by following the commandments, especially those wherein we need to improve.

Gemar chatimah tovah – a good final sealing.

Elul Preparation: Day 5

“Then shall the virgin rejoice in the dance, and the young men and the old together; for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.” – Jeremiah 31:13, JPS 1917 Tanach

When the Holy One forgives the sins of Israel, there will be cause to rejoice. The Bnei Yissacher explains that the “young” refers to the baalei teshuvah (penitents) who become like new after a complete teshuvah, returning to G-d in all their ways. The “old” refers to those who were righteous from their early years, and were able to maintain their righteousness with G-d’s grace. Both will be on the same level, so that the penitents will have the same status as those who had always been on the derech (path).

He notes that elsewhere it is mentioned how the righteous will praise their youthful years, in regard having had the opportunity to learn Yiddishkeit from an early age, preventing them from following a wayward path. Conversely, the baalei teshuvah will praise their latter years, because those years compelled then to atone for their youthful waywardness. As mentioned above, “the young and the old together” will rejoice, both those who praise their youth, and those who praise their latter years.

Referring back to the verse mentioned above, I would posit, that “the maiden” can be understood as a reference to K’lal Yisrael. The young and the old, may refer to all balei teshuvah, and those who followed the path of righteousness from the beginning of their years. So, that there is no distinction, between those who returned to G-d in their later years, and those who have always been on the derech. We will rejoice together at the Geulah when all of our sorrow will turn into joy (Psalm 126). Until then, we struggle in Olam HaZeh (This World), guarding ourselves against negative influences, and seeking reconciliation with G-d, especially during Elul.

*based on Bnei Yissacher: Elul 5

Tikkun HaNefesh: Day 3

Ever since the times of Adam, after the expulsion of Adam and Chava (Eve) from the Garden of Eden, there has been an admixture of good and evil in the world. These are not primarily something external, as outside of us, rather, the potential for either, to a lesser or greater degree lies within the soul of every human being. So, to find our way in this world, we need to recognize the difference between the two, searching within ourselves for the taint of the soul that prevents us from drawing closer to G-d.

The Bnei Yissacher explains that the month of Elul is a time of opportunity for teshuvah, a return to G-d that begins with reflection upon the condition of the soul. “His hand is outstretched” (Isaiah 9:11), so that we may return to Him in complete repentance. This requires a sincere confession, and not returning to the same types of sins that may have been plaguing our lives, up until the moment of Divine favor in Elul, when opportunity prevails to change.

I will add that there seem to be general sins, that constitute a way of life that is in discord, so that it is more of an underlying attitude, that may permeate the soul (G-d forbid) and clouds our reasoning. Then, there are specific sins that can be clearly identified: these would include bad habits, and anything we know as wrong, yet do anyway. Yet, we may have to search below the level of our initial awareness to uproot negative thoughts and attitudes. May these become clear through the light that G-d will bestow upon us for the sake of purifying our souls.

These thirty days of Elul are the beginning of a forty-day period of time, when Moshe ascended to Sinai, in order to receive the second set of commandments, after G-d’s granting of His forgiveness to Bnei Yisrael. In our own lives, we need to return again and again to G-d, by way of a more thorough teshuvah each time, so that our endeavor may be sufficient in His eyes.*

Tikkun HaNefesh: Day 2

Taming the Soul: Teshuvah & Binah

Upper teshuvah, in particular, according to the TANYA is associated with Binah; thus, it can be inferred that the cognitive powers of the attribute of Binah (Understanding) in the soul, may be used to foster teshuvah through discernment of the condition of one’s soul. May our souls reach the potential benefit designated, through a thorough reflection upon our faults, character defects, and aveiros, in order to gain more insight into our lives, for the sake of tikkun haNefesh (renewal of the soul).

To determine the state of the soul is a necessary task, especially beginning 30 days prior to Rosh HaShannah. If the soul is in disarray, its waywardness going unnoticed, now is the time to begin to make amends. Taming the soul is an endeavor that ranks in importance, higher than organizing our closets, cabinets, or files on a PC. If we take good care of our place of residence, how much more so should we invest in the purification of the soul? Namely, our souls are sanctified through observance of the mitzvoth (commandments). Yet, our character development may get neglected, like a car in need of a tune-up.

The solution is to be mindful enough throughout the day of our composure, adjusting our awareness to any neglected feelings or thoughts that are not in alignment with the ideal state of our soul. Thus, we can be reconciled to G-d, by taming our souls, day by day. We should also set aside a certain period of time, even if for only five minutes, to examine the conscience.

Gradually, we may recover our essential selves, by way of a continual teshuvah, rediscovering aspects within the framework of our character that need attention, for the sake of renewal. The month of Elul provides a thirty-day period to refine the soul in a manner befitting each of us.

Reparations of the Mind

“And it shall be righteousness unto us, if we observe to do all this commandment before the L-RD our G-d, as He hath commanded us.’” – Deuteronomy 6:29, JPS 1917 Tanach

“Your yes should be just, and your no should be just.” – Bava Metzia 49a

During the month of Elul, we should focus on preparing the heart for teshuvah. The Hebrew word, teshuvah connotes the understanding of returning to G-d, inasmuch that through a careful consideration of our ways, we should begin to make amends, for the sake of repairing the soul. As is written in the Talmud, “one should not say one matter with his mouth, and think one matter with his heart” (Bava Metzia 49a, sefaria.org). Moreover, we should not think that we are one way, namely a mensch (good person), when our speech and behavior do not represent the ideal self we would like to be.

In the Bnei Yissacher, a Chassidic text corresponding to the months of the year, the author notes, for the beginning of the month of Elul, that the Torah itself alludes to this month as a favorable time for teshuvah (repentance). He emphasizes, the importance of speaking with “a measure of righteousness,” so that speech is in accord with the truth. If we think one thing, yet say another, then we are being dishonest. Rather, we should make an effort to examine ourselves, in order to stand in our own integrity at all times.

This is not an easy task to adhere to, typically when around others, when we may be naturally inclined as human beings are, to reflect the thinking of others, rather than to assert our own convictions. Especially, in these times of social and moral confusion, standing in our integrity with an honesty of heart, and truthfulness of spirit is key.

parasha Eikev 5783

“Everything is in the hands of G-d, except for the fear of G-d.”

– Berachos 33b

“And now, Israel, what doth the L-RD thy G-d require of thee, but to fear the L-RD thy G-d, to walk in all His ways, and to love Him, and to serve the L-RD thy G-d with all thy heart and with all thy soul; to keep for thy good the commandments of the L-RD, and His statutes, which I command thee this day?” – Deuteronomy 10:12, JPS 1917 Tanach

Yiras H’Shem (fear of G-d) is a major component of one’s relationship to G-d; fear, in the sense of awe, reverence, and respect. The Torah records, “What doth the L-RD thy G-d require of thee, but to fear the L-RD thy G-d?” The quality of yiras H’Shem is what will determine the level of kedushah (holiness) in a person’s life. For our response to constant acknowledgment of G-d, will compel us to watch our own thoughts, speech, and behavior at all times, thereby elevating our level of kedushah.

Our response to H’Shem’s directive, through His commandments, requires giving Him the due respect that He deserves as our King. As a consequence of our reverence towards Him, we bring kedushah (holiness) into our lives through our obedience. We become sanctified through His commandments; every aspect of our lives may become sanctified (made holy). “Happy is everyone that feareth the L-RD, that walketh in His ways” (Psalm 128:1, JPS 1917 Tanach).