Tag: derech

Omer: Day 31 Kaleidoscopic Splendor

Tiferes shebbe Hod: Beauty within Splendor

(Otherwise rendered as harmony within humility).

As explained elsewhere, only through bowing down in our hearts to the splendor of the L-RD, may we also acquire splendor, by way of reflecting His Splendor. Therefore, we may find through harmonizing ourselves enough to show deference to G-d, we may bear the light bestowed upon us through our reconciliation with Him.

By way of harmonizing ourselves, I mean to bring the soul into alignment with truth, by sifting through the various inconsistencies in character, called from a psychological perspective, “cognitive dissonance.” Ideally, the result would be like viewing the shapes combined into patterns within the kaleidoscope of our soul.

Imagine all of the variegated shapes being lit up by light in the background; this effect would be akin to G-d’s splendor being reflected by our souls.

Elul Preparation 5783

“Whither shall I go from Thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from Thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, Thou art there; if I make my bed in the nether-world, behold, Thou art there.”

– Psalm 139:7-8, JPS 1917 Tanach

During the month of Elul, we are called to look past the surface level of ourselves; this is no easy task for anyone caught up in images, that is to say, the presentation of oneself as an image that does not correspond to who one really is. Yet, we should be careful not to continue fooling ourselves, if we have not already recognized the false images of ourselves that we might unconsciously present to others. Instead of upgrading our image, we need to look closely at its flaws.

This is the only way to gain an honest assessment of oneself. For, we are compelled by the quality of this month to judge ourselves, in order to diminish being judged disfavourably on Rosh HaShannah. We have a full month’s preparation to examine our own conscience, for the sake of improving ourselves, by first “cleaning house.” We must empty ourselves of all the clutter that has accumulated over time, creating obstacles between us and our ideal potential.

Where can we start? In every moment, we have a starting point. That is to say, that we may start in the present moment. If recollected enough, insight can be gained into our true nature, both the good and the bad, the strengths and the weaknesses, the virtues and the flaws. As is written, H’Shem will be with us when we are focused on the positive; and, He will also be present in our endeavor to explore our negative character traits.

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Journey Forth

weekly Torah reading: parasha Mattos-Masei 5783

“These are the journeys of the Children of Israel, which went forth out of Egypt.” – Numbers 33:1

The forty-two journeys of the Children of Israel, “their goings out according to their journeys by the commandment of H’Shem,” were seen from the perspective of G-d, each one as a significant journey of progress, according to His plan (R’ Hirsch). Each time they set out on a journey to the next encampment, there was no room for regret, if they accomplished, learned, and advanced in character development, according to G-d’s will.

However, even if they failed, they had the opportunity to return to H’Shem through teshuvah (repentance). Therefore, there was still no cause to regret a missed opportunity, as long as they would be focused on a “godly sorrow,” that would bring them to a place of acknowledgment in regard to their transgressions, as well as learning from their mistakes.

Yet, a sorrow in the form of yearning for the past, for the so-called comforts of Egypt (Numbers 11:5-6), or provisions other than the manna and water that H’Shem provided in the desert, led to complaint and rebellion; this was tantamount to turning away from their divinely inspired goal of entering the Promised Land as a people separated from the nations, in order to serve H’Shem. And, He really had their best interests in mind, despite the challenges that the people had encountered along the journey.

H’Shem still has our own best interests in mind today. He has not forgotten the Jewish people. The re-establishment of Israel in 1948 confirms this; as does His Presence with us in the diaspora. Our individual paths are designed by H’Shem to guide us through the challenges of life. Once we learn the lesson, we may move on to the next place or situation, until our souls have sufficiently been refined in order to gain entrance into the ultimate Promised Land: Olam Haba (the World-to-Come).

Gotta Be Me

“Judaism is a gift of G-d. It is not something that we inaugurate, not our attainment, but our inheritance, the accumulated experience of ages. It is to be acquired, not produced.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel, Moral Grandeur & Spiritual Audacity

On my own personal spiritual journey, it was as if G-d was calling me, drawing me closer to Him. The ideal understanding that reached my heart was from my own learning and personal endeavor to comprehend the faith of my heritage, by seeking G-d in a manner that appealed to my Jewish sensibilities.

I began my journey as a ba’al teshuvah, as an individual quest. Today, it continues to be an individual plight, despite my connection to community; in fact, I have never actually felt the need to be dependent upon community. While it is true that community is meant to enhance one’s personal devotion to G-d, there is a dynamic continuum between self and community, wherein friction sometimes results.

Yet, on certain occasions, community has the potential to enhance one’s experience beyond expectation, despite any differences. Case in point, this past Shabbos I remained at shul all day until after havdallah. Three hours of conversation with some friends followed an early minchah. After they left, I had a late seudah shlishi (third meal) in solitude in the social hall. This was truly enriching to me, like a blessing from Above. Half a dozen of us gathered for a quiet maariv, where I was able to daven with kavanah at my own pace – another blessing.

Then, followed havdallah with the same people who davened maariv. As soon as we finished, some chasidim showed up and conducted another havdallah. They sang my favorite tune; so, I joined in for a second havdallah. I believe that H’Shem has shown me, that despite my recent concerns, and existential religious crisis, the spiritual journey, like life, is often bittersweet. I am fortunate to have been able to transcend the bitterness, if only for that one Shabbos.

The Paradox of Change

The Paradox of Change: The Key to Teshuvah

On the one hand, we are to look forward to the changes brought about within us, by our essential focus on G-d in our lives, for our own good. On the other hand, the constant renewal of our soul, every morning, being open to the existential shift in our nature, is dependent upon our commitment to the unchanging G-d, whose attributes remain the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Our lives our meant to revolve around Him, not the other way around. So, while we are shaped in His image, we cannot arbitrarily shape Him in our own image. While we are called upon to meet His expectations, we may not expect Him to change because of our expectations of Him. We must bend our own will, in order to serve Him at times of resistance; yet, we must not think that His will may make exceptions to meet our unjust demands.

While it is true that Abraham attempted to haggle with G-d, for the sake of the righteous, his cause was just. We are not on the level of righteousness of Abraham. And, while Jacob wrestled with the divine, and was given the victory, his transformation from Jacob the deceiver to Israel the upright was whole, sincere, and well-earned. Are we able to foster such commitment in ourselves?

The trajectory of our lives, as well as the prescribed course to follow to bring about spiritual transformation must be fixed upon the Immoveable One’s axis of reference, namely the collection of writings having to do with an exposition of His will for all of mankind, according to each one’s station in life. For, it is written of Abraham, “in thee and thy seed, shall all the families of the earth be blessed” (Genesis 28:1, PS).

Therefore, there is no room for allowance of drifting outside the path that is both at once engraved in our hearts, and brought about each day into an unfolding reality that previously did not exist. For each moment of time has a potential beyond what we can conceive of with our limited perception. G-d is Infinite, and He is perfectly capable of bringing about improvement in our souls, beyond our own expectations.

This is not only true for the ba’al teshuvah, who is in need of a constant attitude of openness to godly change in order to continually reconcile with G-d. Rather, this is also true for anyone who has already been on the derech since childhood, being raised in an environment whereof a religious upbringing was key.

Choosing the Good

Mesillas Yesharim: The Path of the Just – Zechirus

Ramchal writes that pertaining to the quality of zechirus, the trait of vigilance along the derech (path) of righteousness, one must first acquire an understanding through contemplation of what is good and evil, in order to make the right choices in life. Once clearly defined, then one can choose the good and avoid the evil. Moreover, it is not enough to have an abstract understanding of good evil; rather, the understanding should lead to application.

Therefore, one needs to scrutinize thoughts, speech and behavior, in order to make an honest assessment of oneself. If good draws us near to H’Shem, and evil will distance ourselves from Him, then this concept may be applied in the following manner: to ask ourselves, when in doubt, whether such and such will bring us closer to H’Shem or result in creating a separation. As is written, “Your iniquities have separated between you and your G-d” (Isaiah 59:2, JPS).

We may familiarize ourselves with the basic components of Jewish belief and practice; yet, the test of whether or not we are actually walking along the path prescribed for us, has to do with how we spend most of our time, what are presuppositions are, and whether or not we are consciously aware of H’Shem’s presence. Otherwise there will be a disconnect in our lives between our beliefs and actions; moreover, what ultimate value will our practice have, if there is a separate area of our lives that is not permeated by our beliefs?

Heshbon hanefesh, literally, an “accounting of the soul” can be used as a means to align our thoughts, speech, and action with G-d’s expectations of us, and rein in any area of our lives that has not yet been subjected to His sovereignty. This endeavor entails much reflection, and a constant dedication to the true good, designed to bring our souls closer to H’Shem.

Omer: Day 31 Kaleidoscopic Splendor

Tiferes shebbe Hod: Beauty within Splendor

(Otherwise rendered as harmony within humility).

As explained elsewhere, only through bowing down in our hearts to the splendor of the L-RD, may we also acquire splendor, by way of reflecting His Splendor. Therefore, we may find through harmonizing ourselves enough to show deference to G-d, we may bear the light bestowed upon us through our reconciliation with Him.

By way of harmonizing ourselves, I mean to bring the soul into alignment with truth, by sifting through the various inconsistencies in character, called from a psychological perspective, “cognitive dissonance.” Ideally, the result would be like viewing the shapes combined into patterns within the kaleidoscope of our soul. Imagine all of the variegated shapes being lit up by light in the background; this effect would be akin to G-d’s splendor being reflected by our souls.

note: The counting of the Omer serves as a spiritual journey. We are called upon to leave our own personal limitations behind us, as we travel on the path of freedom, away from the influence of negativity in our lives. This is a forty-nine day journey, a self improvement plan, between Passover and Shavuot. Each of the seven weeks corresponds to one of the seven middos (character traits) that we will have the opportunity to improve upon in our lives.

My personal reflections on each day’s combination of middot are not meant to be comprehensive; they are not based upon any one particular system. Nor, may my insights be characterized as authoritative, because I am a student, not a teacher. I simply hope to inspire others to delve into an exploration of their own personality, for the sake of tikkun hanefesh (rectification of the soul).

on a personal note:

I am at my desk, nearly twenty-four hours a day, for I often fall to sleep at my desk. Yet, the time has arrived for me to question my motives, and activities. What do I do? Mostly I think, read, and write about G-d, religion, and scripture. However, this will not suffice. For, I have very little lived experience in actually serving G-d within the framework of an active compatible community. To what avail have I been attending services on Shabbos on a regular basis? Virtually none, for the pace of service is too fast for me to meaningful follow along. The interruptions and chatter are always present to some degree; and, additionally, there is no fertile opportunity for me to foster any sense of kavannah before during or after the service. Moreover, seudah (lunch) after services, is disappointing as well, even though at times, I do get to here an interesting dvar. Even so, mostly, the table(s) are full of mundane chatter about worldly topics, forbidden to speak about on Shabbos.

And, so, at my desk shall I remain until I am able to find another community for myself, according to H’Shem’s directive. Baruch H’Shem (Praise G-d), for taking me this far on the journey. As usual, I will need to move on at some point, perhaps, in the near future; that is to say, that it is typical in my life to change, and need to find somewhere else where there is “room to grow.” For now, I will take a break from attendance at the local shul where I have been davening in-person on Shabbos and holidays. After all, I still have the shul I attend on Zoom during the weekdays, as well as on Shabbos, early in the morning, inasmuch as I give myself a dispensation to do so, being that it is forbidden to use the internet on the Sabbath. It figures that all of these thoughts are preceded by my first ever purchase of a bottle of unkosher wine on Friday afternoon (under extenuating circumstances); perhaps, the treif wine has made my brain “loopy,” so to speak; although I feel as if I am “liberated” from the minutia of details, that plague the mind of an observant Jew. So be it, for now. I will remain on the derech (path); yet, I will tread mindfully as I walk along to eternity.

note: this blogpost was posted exactly at the end of Shabbat, erev 30 Nissan 5782.

prayer: Intentional Focus

Prayer is meant to be self-reflexive. For, how can the prayers truly benefit the soul, unless the meaning of the prayers is known to the person who is praying? Yet, there is a belief that praying in Hebrew, regardless of knowledge of the Hebrew language, also benefits the soul. While it may be the case that the soul benefits, this could be at the expense of the individual’s actual understanding of the words. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, the founder of Breslov Chasidism advocated the need to pray in one’s own language. I find this approach refreshing, inasmuch that he understood the importance of kavanah (intention) at the level of praying in a meaningful way.

Moreover, not only pray in one’s own language, at least for some of the prayers, but to be able to comprehend the meaning of the words one prays is important. Words have meaning in and of themselves; a dictionary is a handy guide to those meanings when unsure of what a word conveys, or how it is used in a sentence. However, the words of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture) have meaning above and beyond the words themselves, and must be understood within the greater context of the themes of the biblical narratives they portray, as well as their theological significance.

The siddur (prayer book) has been described as an overall composite of what is most significant in Judaism. The prayers are an active means for inculcating the values, traditions, and beliefs of Judaism into our lives. As such, the siddur should garner our greatest attention, and praying should not end up being a rote experience, performed without true intention or understanding. If our prayer experience is dry, then we need to somehow make amends.

One way to do so is to increase a sense of kavanah (attention; intentional reading) through specific techniques designed for this purpose. For example, if praying too fast, one way to slow down is to pause, every time the name YHVH is written, otherwise denoted by the words H’Shem or  L-RD. This serves to develop a pace whereby reflection becomes possible, by paying more attention to the words that are being prayed. This is davening with kavanah, when the words have a direct and immediate impact on the soul of the individual praying.

It is of paramount importance to seek understanding of the meaning and significance of the words that are being prayed. Each individual should decide for him or herself, what language to pray, and how to find a healthy balance between Hebrew and one’s own language. The original Hebrew prayers are established by chazal (the sages) and should not be changed; at least not to the extent that they are unrecognizable in an English translation, or seem to abandon the original intent. For, the ultimate goal is to connect with H’Shem at the level of one’s own understanding and comfortability.