path – The Tree of Life

Omer: Day 31 Kaleidoscopic Splendor

Tiferes shebbe Hod: Beauty within Splendor

(Otherwise rendered as harmony within humility).

As explained elsewhere, only through bowing down in our hearts to the splendor of the L-RD, may we also acquire splendor, by way of reflecting His Splendor. Therefore, we may find through harmonizing ourselves enough to show deference to G-d, we may bear the light bestowed upon us through our reconciliation with Him.

Imagine all of the variegated shapes being lit up by light in the background; this effect would be akin to G-d’s splendor being reflected by our souls.

Gotta Be Me

“Judaism is a gift of G-d. It is not something that we inaugurate, not our attainment, but our inheritance, the accumulated experience of ages. It is to be acquired, not produced.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel, Moral Grandeur & Spiritual Audacity

On my own personal spiritual journey, it was as if G-d was calling me, drawing me closer to Him. The ideal understanding that reached my heart was from my own learning and personal endeavor to comprehend the faith of my heritage, by seeking G-d in a manner that appealed to my Jewish sensibilities.

I began my journey as a ba’al teshuvah, as an individual quest. Today, it continues to be an individual plight, despite my connection to community; in fact, I have never actually felt the need to be dependent upon community. While it is true that community is meant to enhance one’s personal devotion to G-d, there is a dynamic continuum between self and community, wherein friction sometimes results.

Yet, on certain occasions, community has the potential to enhance one’s experience beyond expectation, despite any differences. Case in point, this past Shabbos I remained at shul all day until after havdallah. Three hours of conversation with some friends followed an early minchah. After they left, I had a late seudah shlishi (third meal) in solitude in the social hall. This was truly enriching to me, like a blessing from Above. Half a dozen of us gathered for a quiet maariv, where I was able to daven with kavanah at my own pace – another blessing.

Then, followed havdallah with the same people who davened maariv. As soon as we finished, some chasidim showed up and conducted another havdallah. They sang my favorite tune; so, I joined in for a second havdallah. I believe that H’Shem has shown me, that despite my recent concerns, and existential religious crisis, the spiritual journey, like life, is often bittersweet. I am fortunate to have been able to transcend the bitterness, if only for that one Shabbos.

The Paradox of Change

The Paradox of Change: The Key to Teshuvah

On the one hand, we are to look forward to the changes brought about within us, by our essential focus on G-d in our lives, for our own good. On the other hand, the constant renewal of our soul, every morning, being open to the existential shift in our nature, is dependent upon our commitment to the unchanging G-d, whose attributes remain the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Our lives our meant to revolve around Him, not the other way around. So, while we are shaped in His image, we cannot arbitrarily shape Him in our own image. While we are called upon to meet His expectations, we may not expect Him to change because of our expectations of Him. We must bend our own will, in order to serve Him at times of resistance; yet, we must not think that His will may make exceptions to meet our unjust demands.

While it is true that Abraham attempted to haggle with G-d, for the sake of the righteous, his cause was just. We are not on the level of righteousness of Abraham. And, while Jacob wrestled with the divine, and was given the victory, his transformation from Jacob the deceiver to Israel the upright was whole, sincere, and well-earned. Are we able to foster such commitment in ourselves?

The trajectory of our lives, as well as the prescribed course to follow to bring about spiritual transformation must be fixed upon the Immoveable One’s axis of reference, namely the collection of writings having to do with an exposition of His will for all of mankind, according to each one’s station in life. For, it is written of Abraham, “in thee and thy seed, shall all the families of the earth be blessed” (Genesis 28:1, PS).

Therefore, there is no room for allowance of drifting outside the path that is both at once engraved in our hearts, and brought about each day into an unfolding reality that previously did not exist. For each moment of time has a potential beyond what we can conceive of with our limited perception. G-d is Infinite, and He is perfectly capable of bringing about improvement in our souls, beyond our own expectations.

This is not only true for the ba’al teshuvah, who is in need of a constant attitude of openness to godly change in order to continually reconcile with G-d. Rather, this is also true for anyone who has already been on the derech since childhood, being raised in an environment whereof a religious upbringing was key.

Everyday Avodah

motzei Shabbos shpiel for Shabbat Shuvah:

Avodah as an Everyday Intention (not only for the pious):

“And now, Israel, what doth the L-RD thy G-d require of thee, but to fear the L-rd thy G-d, to walk in in all His ways, and to love Him, and to serve the L-RD thy G-d with all thy heart and all thy soul.”

– Deuteronomy 10:12, JPS 1917 Tanach

According to Ramchal, the primary expectation of H’Shem is to serve Him with all our heart and soul. In other words, our avodah (service) towards H’Shem within the framework of our everyday lives is what counts the most in His eyes. It is written elsewhere, “Trust in the L-RD with all thy heart and lean not upon thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6, JPS 1917 Tanach). Thus, living in accordance with H’Shem’s intent for our lives goes well beyond observing Shabbos, giving tsedokah, and lighting Friday night candles.

Every facet of our lives should reflect the wisdom of G-d, bestowed upon us through His words. For, his wisdom is higher than ours, and his thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). That is to say, that if our thoughts are not in accordance with the transcendent values that H’Shem would like to instill within us (see Jeremiah 31:33), then, we may unfortunately be led astray by a subjective rendering of value, derived from our feelings.

The current set of values being offered to society, proliferating to an accelerated degree, fosters subjectivity, while de-emphasizing objective reality. Additionally, when an entire society adopts a set of pseudo-values, then that society is no longer in accordance with G-d’s directive. How will the faithful be able to continue to walk in integrity? Our dependence on H’Shem is essential, despite whatever trajectory the world takes.

“Commit thy way unto the L-RD; trust also in Him, and He will bring
it to pass. And He will make thy righteousness to go forth as the light,
and thy right as the noonday.” – Psalm 37:5-6, JPS 1917 Tanach

Omer: Day 31 Kaleidoscopic Splendor

Tiferes shebbe Hod: Beauty within Splendor

(Otherwise rendered as harmony within humility).

By way of harmonizing ourselves, I mean to bring the soul into alignment with truth, by sifting through the various inconsistencies in character, called from a psychological perspective, “cognitive dissonance.” Ideally, the result would be like viewing the shapes combined into patterns within the kaleidoscope of our soul. Imagine all of the variegated shapes being lit up by light in the background; this effect would be akin to G-d’s splendor being reflected by our souls.

note: The counting of the Omer serves as a spiritual journey. We are called upon to leave our own personal limitations behind us, as we travel on the path of freedom, away from the influence of negativity in our lives. This is a forty-nine day journey, a self improvement plan, between Passover and Shavuot. Each of the seven weeks corresponds to one of the seven middos (character traits) that we will have the opportunity to improve upon in our lives.

My personal reflections on each day’s combination of middot are not meant to be comprehensive; they are not based upon any one particular system. Nor, may my insights be characterized as authoritative, because I am a student, not a teacher. I simply hope to inspire others to delve into an exploration of their own personality, for the sake of tikkun hanefesh (rectification of the soul).

on a personal note:

I am at my desk, nearly twenty-four hours a day, for I often fall to sleep at my desk. Yet, the time has arrived for me to question my motives, and activities. What do I do? Mostly I think, read, and write about G-d, religion, and scripture. However, this will not suffice. For, I have very little lived experience in actually serving G-d within the framework of an active compatible community. To what avail have I been attending services on Shabbos on a regular basis? Virtually none, for the pace of service is too fast for me to meaningful follow along. The interruptions and chatter are always present to some degree; and, additionally, there is no fertile opportunity for me to foster any sense of kavannah before during or after the service. Moreover, seudah (lunch) after services, is disappointing as well, even though at times, I do get to here an interesting dvar. Even so, mostly, the table(s) are full of mundane chatter about worldly topics, forbidden to speak about on Shabbos.

And, so, at my desk shall I remain until I am able to find another community for myself, according to H’Shem’s directive. Baruch H’Shem (Praise G-d), for taking me this far on the journey. As usual, I will need to move on at some point, perhaps, in the near future; that is to say, that it is typical in my life to change, and need to find somewhere else where there is “room to grow.” For now, I will take a break from attendance at the local shul where I have been davening in-person on Shabbos and holidays. After all, I still have the shul I attend on Zoom during the weekdays, as well as on Shabbos, early in the morning, inasmuch as I give myself a dispensation to do so, being that it is forbidden to use the internet on the Sabbath. It figures that all of these thoughts are preceded by my first ever purchase of a bottle of unkosher wine on Friday afternoon (under extenuating circumstances); perhaps, the treif wine has made my brain “loopy,” so to speak; although I feel as if I am “liberated” from the minutia of details, that plague the mind of an observant Jew. So be it, for now. I will remain on the derech (path); yet, I will tread mindfully as I walk along to eternity.

note: this blogpost was posted exactly at the end of Shabbat, erev 30 Nissan 5782.

Chanukah Message 5782

“Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the L-RD of hosts.”

– Zechariah 4:6, JPS 1917 Tanach

prayer: Intentional Focus

Prayer is meant to be self-reflexive. For, how can the prayers truly benefit the soul, unless the meaning of the prayers is known to the person who is praying? Yet, there is a belief that praying in Hebrew, regardless of knowledge of the Hebrew language, also benefits the soul. While it may be the case that the soul benefits, this could be at the expense of the individual’s actual understanding of the words. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, the founder of Breslov Chasidism advocated the need to pray in one’s own language. I find this approach refreshing, inasmuch that he understood the importance of kavanah (intention) at the level of praying in a meaningful way.

Moreover, not only pray in one’s own language, at least for some of the prayers, but to be able to comprehend the meaning of the words one prays is important. Words have meaning in and of themselves; a dictionary is a handy guide to those meanings when unsure of what a word conveys, or how it is used in a sentence. However, the words of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture) have meaning above and beyond the words themselves, and must be understood within the greater context of the themes of the biblical narratives they portray, as well as their theological significance.

The siddur (prayer book) has been described as an overall composite of what is most significant in Judaism. The prayers are an active means for inculcating the values, traditions, and beliefs of Judaism into our lives. As such, the siddur should garner our greatest attention, and praying should not end up being a rote experience, performed without true intention or understanding. If our prayer experience is dry, then we need to somehow make amends.

One way to do so is to increase a sense of kavanah (attention; intentional reading) through specific techniques designed for this purpose. For example, if praying too fast, one way to slow down is to pause, every time the name YHVH is written, otherwise denoted by the words H’Shem or L-RD. This serves to develop a pace whereby reflection becomes possible, by paying more attention to the words that are being prayed. This is davening with kavanah, when the words have a direct and immediate impact on the soul of the individual praying.

It is of paramount importance to seek understanding of the meaning and significance of the words that are being prayed. Each individual should decide for him or herself, what language to pray, and how to find a healthy balance between Hebrew and one’s own language. The original Hebrew prayers are established by chazal (the sages) and should not be changed; at least not to the extent that they are unrecognizable in an English translation, or seem to abandon the original intent. For, the ultimate goal is to connect with H’Shem at the level of one’s own understanding and comfortability.

Shemini Atzeret 5782

Shemini Atzeret is essentially the eighth day of Sukkot. The literal translation is eighth day assembly. Regarding the word, assembly, according to commentary, this has to do with the connotation of the pilgrims from outside of Jerusalem, remaining behind after the Sukkot celebrations, for one more day, to rededicate oneself to to G-d’s service, imbibing the teachings from scripture, (G-d’s Word), and staying in the Temple area before going back to the daily grind (paraphrase of Sforno’s commentary).

Moreover, let it be understood, that during the seven days of Sukkot, there are 70 bulls offered for the seventy nations of the world, connecting the first seven days of Sukkot with the gentiles. Yet, Shemini Atzeret, the eighth day, is a day of assembly, in specific, solely for the Jewish people, as if H’Shem would like the pilgrims to remain in Israel for an intimate time of connection with G-d.

Regarding the pasuk, “On the eighth day there shall be an assembly for you” (Numbers 29:35), the Sfas Emes conveys an insight, that “it is for you because the gates of teshuva are open to all. But Israel takes greater joy in accepting G-d’s service anew than they did in having their sins forgiven” (p.372, The Language of Truth). Therefore, it can be said, that while the focus of Rosh Hashannah was on repentance, and the Day of Yom Kippur on forgiveness, Shemini Atzeret, a holiday connected to Simchas Torah, has a focus on renewal – the natural complement of a complete teshuvah.

This makes perfect sense, following the “shedding of sins,” as symbolized by beating the aravah (willow leaves), at the end of shachris (morning service) on Hoshannah Rabbah, the seventh day of Sukkot. After this final release of the previous year’s sins, a feeling of renewal is definitely appropriate, if everything was “done right,” in regard to teshuvah (repentance). Like, “the cleansing of the soul,” in preparation for a new year of service to G-d, via the spiritual growth, and perfection of character that result from selfless dedication to the higher values of Torah.

Ultimately, renewal may be said to involve purification through a rededication in one’s life to the service of H’Shem. This dedication may be exemplified, as is found in Bereishis, “And G-d took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to av’dah it and to sham’rah it” (Genesis 2:15). The root of avdah, AVD (ayin–veis–dalet) connotes avad (to serve), while shamrah, SMR (shin–mem–resh) connotes shamar (to guard).

Traditionally, these refer to serving G-d through the positive commandments, and guarding ourselves against the negative commandments. In summary, our avodah (service towards G-d), and observance of the commandments. So, when we start the Torah cycle anew, we read in Bereishis about the beginning of creation, and are reminded of the main purpose of life, our avodah, overall service towards G-d, and our shomer, otherwise understood as the guarding of our souls from all that would taint the holy neshamah.

Our Transcendent Nature

“Give ear, ye heavens, and I will speak; and let the earth hear the words of my mouth. My doctrine shall drop as the rain, my speech shall distil as the dew; as the small rain upon the tender grass, and as the showers upon the herb.”

– Deuteronomy 32:1-2, JPS 1917 Tanach

Every day a Bas Kol (literally, “Daughter of a Voice”) goes out from Sinai, saying, “Woe to the inhabitants of the earth, for contempt of the Torah” (Pirkei Avos 6:2). However, the voice goes unheard by mankind. Yet, the Besht points out that the voice is heard intuitively. Therefore, on some level, when the inner ear of a person resonates with that voice, a person is inspired to do teshuvah (return to G-d through repentance. Consider, if you will, that often when someone is compelled by his or heart to return to the ways of G-d, the motivation may be unseen if not unexplainable, even by the person moved to do so. Therefore, there appears to be some verifiable experience that supports this midrash; in other words, the intuitive nature of a call to teshuvah.

According to Nesivos Shalom, the opening pasukim (verses) of parashas Haazinu may be viewed in light of this midrash. One way to reckon, “Give ear, O you heavens, and I will speak; and hear, O earth, the words of my mouth,” is to compare the heavens to our “heavenly selves,” and the earth to our “earthly selves.” Thus our higher selves seek the inspiration of heavenly pursuits, and the influence of those pursuits upon our godly soul. While our lower nature is more inclined to be drawn to more mundane activities, and materialistic endeavors. This is the difference between ruchniyos (spirituality) and gashmiyos (corporeality). Both are necessary to some extent; yet, both must be regulated by the words flowing forth from Heaven.

We are called to permit ourselves to be permeated by the words of Torah, in both our lower and higher natures. Moreover, ultimately our lower nature should be drawn towards more noble endeavors through our focus on the higher pursuits of our godly soul. Thus, even as our lower nature, sometimes described in chassidus as the “animal soul,” needs to be tamed and regulated by Torah, and our godly soul should be modified in its higher aspirations according to G-d’s words, the emphasis should always be placed to some degree on our higher selves. The reason being is because as human beings, we are meant to transcend our lesser selves, by living in accord with the greater spiritual propensity provided for by our godly soul.

“Thy lovingkindness, O L-RD, is in the heavens; Thy faithfulness reacheth unto the skies. Thy righteousness is like the mighty mountains; Thy judgments are like the great deep; man and beast Thou preservest, O L-RD.”

– Psalms 36:6-7, JPS 1917 Tanach